Maple Crest PhotoEst. at the Great Leaf-Fall
A broad, rounded maple in full autumn orange, standing alone on a lawn beneath a clear blue sky
His Grace Acer Magnificus, 9th Duke of Crest
Arms of the Noble House of Acer: quarterly tenné and gold, gold maple leaves and red pairs of samaras; above, a barred helm with mantling of red and gold, a ducal coronet of five maple leaves and a sprig of maple for crest; supported by two red squirrels rampant, each holding a samara, upon a grassy mound; motto Stamus et Stabimus By Appointment

Maple Crest Photo

Official Portraitist to the Noble House of Acer

Stamus et stabimus — “We stand, and we shall stand.”

Formal portraiture, heraldry and genealogy for trees of distinction. Sittings by season. Patience included.

Commission a Portrait   Meet the Peerage

A Brief and Entirely Reliable History

The House of Acer

The Noble House of Acer traces its origins to a single samara which, at some point during the late Tertiary, landed somewhere sensible. From that modest descent — some four metres, in a light southerly — sprang a family that has since put down roots on three continents and in a great many municipal parks.

The family fortune was made in shade, a commodity the House has never once charged for, and its reputation in autumn, when every member, by long tradition, changes into something more formal. Lesser families merely go brown. The Acers turn.

The House has endured ice ages, droughts, the invention of the leaf blower and a regrettable century of being mistaken for sycamores — a matter the cadet branch still raises at every dinner, whether or not anyone has asked.

Maple Crest Photo has served as Official Portraitist to the House since the House last checked, which it does about once a year, usually in October. We photograph each sitter in natural light, at their own pace, which is to say: very slowly.

No sitter has ever been asked to move. It would have been pointless.

Portraits from the Long Gallery

The Peerage

Nine members of the House, as they consented to be seen. Arms are shown as granted, mottoes as shouted.

A Norway maple crowded with yellow and green autumn leaves
Arms: per bend gold and green, a samara rampant silver; motto Umbra pro omnibus

Sir Acer platanoides III

Lord of the Lower Park, heir by the line of samaras

Germinated 1961 · in leaf

Held his leaves until November 23rd, a family record that stood for eleven seasons. Knighted for services to shade. Has never once lost a staring contest with a pigeon.

Umbra pro omnibus — “Shade for all.”

A sugar maple glowing deep orange against a pale blue sky
Arms: on an oval, red, a gold maple leaf between three drops of gold; motto Dulcis sed non facilis

Her Grace the Duchess of Sweetwater

Keeper of the Sap, Lady of the Long October

Germinated 1938 · in leaf

Produces sap of such refinement that two separate pancake breakfasts were held in her honour. Has never been tapped without a formal letter of request, in triplicate, on good paper.

Dulcis sed non facilis — “Sweet, but not easy.”

A maple with dark purple-red foliage beside a grassy riverside path
Arms: purple, a silver maple leaf, a gold border; motto Vestis facit arborem

The Viscount Purpuratus

Viscount of the Riverside, called “the Claret”

Germinated 1972 · in leaf

Wore claret in spring, a scandal at the time. Now regarded as a style authority among the riparian peerage. Turned down green in 1983 and has not reconsidered.

Vestis facit arborem — “Clothes make the tree.”

A tall park maple in scarlet and rust-red autumn foliage
Arms: red, a silver clock face, on a gold chief three red maple leaves; motto Tempus fugit, ego non

The Countess Rubra

Countess of the Southwest Gate, Mistress of the Punctual Turn

Germinated 1950 · in leaf

Turns scarlet on the 24th of October precisely, as she has every year since her debut. Has twice been early, which she declines to discuss. Owns no clock, needs none.

Tempus fugit, ego non — “Time flies. I do not.”

A young, slender maple with a few red leaves, supported by a wooden stake in an open park
Arms: green, a silver pale representing a training stake, a gold maple leaf, a label of three points for an heir; motto Crescam. Lente.

The Honourable Master Acer

Page of the Green, heir presumptive to approximately four square metres

Germinated 2004 · still staked

Wears his training stake with great dignity. Produced his first samara in a year he refuses to name and has been insufferable ever since. Expected to come into his canopy around 2090.

Crescam. Lente. — “I shall grow. Slowly.”

The hollow, weathered stump of an ancient sycamore maple beside a whitewashed wall
Arms on a lozenge within a knotted cord: per saltire black and mulberry, a gold maple leaf at rest between two silver acorns; motto Olim frondosa

The Dowager Pseudoplatana

Baroness of the Chapel Wall, retired from public foliage

Germinated c. 1690 · in repose

Withdrew from leaves in an earlier century and has since devoted herself to contemplation, lichen and the welfare of passing beetles. Receives visitors daily. Returns none.

Olim frondosa — “Once, rather leafy.”

Finely cut, deep red leaves of a weeping maple lit by low autumn sun
Arms on an oval: per fess wavy blue and silver, three maple leaves pendant; motto Non cuique vendor

Lady Palmata of the Weeping Line

A Peeress in Waiting

Germinated 2017 · awaiting an estate

Presently residing in a pot while a suitable estate is arranged. Has declined three offers on grounds of insufficient drainage and one on grounds of a garden gnome.

Non cuique vendor — “I am not for just anyone.”

Small vine maples in orange and red on a grey gravel riverbank between dark trunks
Arms: per fess wavy green and blue, a gold samara flying, a silver maple leaf in base; motto Semper progrediens

Sir Circinatus the Errant

Knight of the Riverbed, Warden of an Unremarkable Gravel Bar

Germinated 1987 · questing

Set out to cross a river in 1987 and reports encouraging progress. Rides the gravel bar with considerable élan. Arrived in the family by water and was too polite to leave.

Semper progrediens — “Ever advancing (in principle).”

Dense green sycamore maple foliage hung with clusters of pinkish winged seeds
Arms: silver, a green chevron between two green samaras and a gold acorn borne in error, a red engrailed border; motto Non sum platanus

The Earl Pseudoplatanus

Earl of the Northern Avenue, the Cousin Who Insists

Germinated 1929 · in leaf

Not, strictly, a sycamore in every country, and not, strictly, a plane in any. Has spent a long life correcting the visitors’ book. Released 41,000 samaras in a single season, each one personally addressed.

Non sum platanus — “I am not a plane.”

A Tree, Upon a Tree

Family Tree

Following family custom, the genealogy is drawn the right way up: ancestors at the roots, heirs at the top, and the cadet branch wherever it has wandered off to.

Genealogy of the Noble House of Acer Acer Primus the Founder, a samara of no fixed abode, married briefly to the West Wind, is at the roots. His line divides into Acer Magnificus, 9th Duke and Head of the House, consort of the Duchess of Sweetwater, and Sir Acer platanoides II. The Duke's line produces the Countess Rubra and his ward Lady Palmata. Sir Acer platanoides II is father of Sir Acer platanoides III, whose heir is the Honourable Master Acer, and of the Viscount Purpuratus, who took in Sir Circinatus the Errant. The Dowager Pseudoplatana and the Earl Pseudoplatanus claim descent through a disputed cadet branch. descent by samara descent claimed, loudly consort Master Acer Page of the Green · heir presumptive Sir Circinatus the Errant arrived by river; too polite to leave The Countess Rubra punctual since 1950 Lady Palmata ward of the Duke · in a pot Sir Acer platanoides III Lord of the Lower Park Viscount Purpuratus “the Claret” Acer Magnificus, 9th Duke Head of the House Duchess of Sweetwater consort · keeper of the sap Sir Acer platanoides II the Steadfast · felled with honours Dowager Pseudoplatana in repose since the 1800s Earl Pseudoplatanus not a plane · not negotiable Acer Primus, the Founder a samara of no fixed abode · m. the West Wind, briefly

The tree is wider than your screen. Scroll sideways, as the roots do.

A Short Course in Blazon

Heraldry Explained

A pair of green maple samaras, joined at the seed, against a black background
A samara photographed at rest. Heralds call this posture dormant; the samara calls it “waiting for a decent breeze”.
Samara rampant
A winged seed shown upright and mid-flight, as though about to leave without notice. Borne by branches of the family given to travel, or to landing on cars.
Three leaves argent on a field of autumn
Silver leaves upon orange. Signifies a house never once seen without a leaf about its person between April and late November.
Tenné
The rarest of tinctures, an orange so autumnal it is reserved for houses of acknowledged seasonal distinction. Attempts by evergreens to bear it have been politely declined.
Coronet of five leaves
Denotes a duke. Each leaf must be accounted for at the annual Counting; a coronet found short is quietly topped up from the hedge.
The lozenge
A diamond-shaped shield borne by ladies and dowagers. Encircled by a knotted cord, it marks one who has retired from public foliage.
Bordure engrailed
A scalloped border. Records that the bearer has been nibbled by a deer, honourably and in the line of duty.
Acorn, borne in error
An oak’s emblem in a maple’s arms. Dates from a clerical slip of long ago that nobody has had the heart to correct. The oaks have been gracious about it.
Label of three points
Marks the eldest heir. Removed upon inheritance, or upon reaching a height of six metres, whichever comes first.
The Studio’s Tariff

Commission a Portrait

All sittings take place on location. The studio regrets it cannot accept sitters into the studio, as they will not fit through the door.

The Canopy Sitting

12 acorns

or £4.20, payable in shade

  • One sitting, not exceeding one season
  • Light dusting of the crown
  • A stern word with nearby pigeons
  • Brass plaque, hand-engraved, slightly crooked
Request a Sitting
Most requested

The Golden Hour Crown

40 acorns

or £11, plus one decent sunset

  • Photographed when the sun is at its most flattering
  • One fallen leaf, arranged by hand
  • Gilt frame of appropriate severity
  • Grant of arms with a motto in Latin, or something sufficiently like it
Request a Sitting

The Full Ancestral Survey

∞ acorns

by negotiation, in acorns, guineas or sap

  • Genealogy back to the last Ice Age
  • A portrait of each root, where they consent
  • Family tree drawn on, and about, a tree
  • Annual re-sitting each October, in perpetuity
Request a Survey
From the Visitors’ Book

Letters of Commendation

I have been photographed by squirrels, by schoolchildren and once by a very confused heron. Maple Crest is the first to capture my good side, which is all of them.

The Countess Rubra

They waited three weeks for a single leaf to fall. The leaf, I am pleased to report, fell beautifully.

Sir Acer platanoides III

I asked for something tasteful. They delivered a gilt frame the weight of a small bench. Exactly right.

The Duchess of Sweetwater

Rather a lot of sitting still involved. Nevertheless, a triumph. I have already moved nine centimetres closer to the far bank.

Sir Circinatus the Errant

An oak attempted to book a sitting while I was present. The studio handled it with enormous tact.

The Dowager Pseudoplatana

Spelled my name correctly on the first attempt. Nobody has ever done that. I wept sap.

The Earl Pseudoplatanus